missninjagurl's Blog

Hit a Speed Bump...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 15:23:00 +0000

Well life hit me again with another problem which will delay everything for me for at least another year, which means when I finally get the money I will not give a crap what people think. Currently I have to fix my car for the 5th time in the last 12 months. This car is great, but causes more problems than are worth keeping it. I may considered getting rid of it this summer and getting me something in better shape at the same cost if not cheaper. I need to do a better check into things and get my car fax. The guy mine came from was a very nice old couple who lied so much about everything. Anyways this time its a cheap fix, getting more hours at work, a small raise so things will be better to get where I need to. Heres the kicker in the issue where money is going to be drained, I have to partially pay for college this fall and or next winter semester. I really kinda want to just finish my whole associates in business administration and get the certficate in computer apps as I planned but my mom is pushing me to go elsewhere for my bacholers. There is no reasoning with her about it. So I suppose I will continue to collect info, clothing, and look into therapists pricing and directions to see where I will go when the time comes. The best thing is that the girls I have come out to really want to help me and I can have them help me with makeup and accessorizing. There are still a couple of close friends I intend telling soon here, so I guess I will learn whose a true friend and who will leave me.
Starting this summer I am hoping to also have the house to myself some days which means I will be able to start making videos on youtube to talk about things, vlogs, tips, things i do and have learned to help others. I'll let people know when that whole thing gets started if anyone is interested.

With Courage and Time

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 19:05:00 +0000

So lately I have been talking a bunch with some of my girlfriends. These girls are for realz genetic girls and the more they talk with me, they more they are gettiing inspired to help me a bit. They want to go shopping, out more, just hang out more than the way things used to be. Unfortunately for like 2 of them, they are too busy with school right now. One is a girl I met last summer through friends and I recently came out to her and she seemed like she knew like right a away and had a lot of time spent with her this summer. The other, I talk to almost everyday, but she is studying abroad in Croatia. She has been the super most supportive person and always had a listening ear to talk to about this whole thing about me being transgendered. Its good to have friends that you can talk to in person and help you through the tough times. I think when the one in Croatia gets back, I will hopefully already be going through therapy and maybe have started my transition by the time she gets back in July. I am pissed I have to wait, but I am going to tell more people little at a time to build up my friend circle for support and help. Also being that I plan to start first thing this summer, I will only have work to worry about and I tend to only work weekends so I will have plenty of time to get the therapy, shop, and hang with people.

I think telling the family is definatly going to be the hardest part, and when that happens, there is a very good chance, I may be thrown out of the house. Its just not right for a so-called Catholic Guy (im aethist meow) to think hes a girl, blah blah blah. My parents have a very close minded view, very old fashioned. The real world, as it changes, technology, war, people... It all scares them. It change, and they wont have it. O well... I think it will be the fucking wake up call they need to be more accepting of change, I have always been the "good" son, the kind, clean, gentle son. Hmm... so they never got the hint? ugh... I have been dropping hints im more feminine for years than they would like me to be. My mom has called me on it tons of times, and I go with it.

Lately this last year or so I have had a lot of time alone with my mom. So I keep cooking with her, watching tv with her, gossiping, talking about people, life (school, work, friends). Heres some quotes I have used lately.
-"Im enjoying our girl time."
-"Lets gossip"
-"I think i want to get my ears pierced."
-"I want to grow my hair out a ways, see what I can do with it."
-"Going to watch my little pony." < I am a brony, but in her mind, I got her to think its normal somehow... then she asked if I was gay. I got defensive, and she said she was joking. Damn! she seemed serious.

I know there isnt much here, but with the ideas in their heads slowly thinking I am becoming more feminine, I hope it will help my case when I finally come out Trans. Any ideas how to come out would be greatly appreciated. I still think i may do it one at a time, but I dont know.

Im Started to Tell People

Mon, 20 Aug 2012 19:55:00 +0000

I recently have started to tell some of my friends about my gender issues and told them most of my issues and what I have done. I told them about my research, my clothing and makeup collection, that I have been plagued for so long with its constant reminders. I decided to tell the 4 people I have, one by one, and to each, I left out a few details for fear of judgement, but after some time and responses I revealed more.
I was very surprised by their responses. All of them were very supportive, although one of them was mostly in shock but fine overall. I am afraid, the ones that matter the most, I just dont think its time to tell them, although I was lying hints a lot for a while to get responses without my success or positive feedback. Looking at who they are, they are the more religious ones and people who have the one way thought process, obscurity is unacceptable. With time I think I will try to change more of my friends and families opinions on my NEED to transition and keep others posted as I promised.

Benefits to me being a Transwoman

Wed, 08 Aug 2012 22:02:00 +0000

For some these are disadvantages, but this is how I feel. To tell you the truth, if I can ever go all the way and have my SRS, which I want so bad, I have some things I am looking forward to. I am glad I will never have a period. Saves money on a lot of things like tampons and pads. I will never have to bare a child, some trans-woman hate that they will never get to experience it, but I fear that pain. Being born male gave me skills not all girls have or care to know, so knowing I can do certain things is calming. Its a chance to start life anew. I will feel more motivated to exercise and eat right, I have started to let myself go a little due to depression these last few years. Sure I will loose friends, but the ones I know I will loose are not what I call real friends, they used me for info or free stuff. I can dress anyway I want and no one can say anything about it. I am free to express myself, I have always felt discouraged. Even though I am trans, I still am not interested in men, but things could change, I dont know. All i know is that I really prefer woman as a partner.

How I got into Crossplaying

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 00:35:00 +0000

This is a kind of normal way one starts to actually crossplay, I think. What happened was one day I was invited to a friends house to hang out, this person was in fact a real girl born and raised. Anyway we were supposed to meet up with a bunch of friends to play video games and such. So after waiting an hour and talking we started talking about cosplay for the anime con we go to every year and decided due to the one coming up was a mere month we would get plans for the next year. Pretty simple right?
From here I threw the idea of, "hey, you know what would be funny?" I said how bout our whole group crossplays next year. She said nothing for a minute and started to laugh a second. She was like, "YES! we are totally doing that, the guys will be random girl characters and the girls will be random guy characters!" I was kind of shocked, I mean it was kind of a joke, but I actually wanted to do it since I began to cosplay six-ish years ago. After the idea, I started to look at ebay for a costume with custom fit and about a week later, I ordered the costume... well its actually, that friend ordered it for me, due to it being a tad awkward and not wanting my parents to think I was homosexual. She was fine with it and of course I paid for the costume from her. Two weeks later the costume came in. Thats where i started to do a lot of research on makeup, accessories and other clothing to use to make the female form I want. The most surprising thing to her was I wanted to pass, although she thinks it really cool.